Baby Envy

I never wanted children. I grew up with a step-father that didn’t much care for kids that acted like kids if you catch my drift. My sister was born when I was almost 9 and I shared a room with her until I was 16. I never got any sleep even when she was older, she insisted on having the closet light on and door wide open every night. The screaming, the tantrums, the mess, and the constant amount of attention they need is  overwhelming.  And here I have been, for over 3 years now, helping family and friends plan their unplanned, but very happy pregnancies. And….I am jealous. Me. The career dreamer girl. Not the family dreamer girl. I grew up being the feminist and detesting ever being remotely like a stay-at-home mother. Why do I want it? Is it natural? That old biological clock? I am 23.

I look at the cribs and hear the mother talk about breastfeeding and just wander off into my own world. Would I breastfeed? What would I name my children? If I ever had any…..

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